Not the old me anymore

Hello. It has been ages since I last blogged. I've been crazily studying for finals that's going on right now. I am really stressed out and I don't know why I will just cry because of expectations of teachers, parents and peers. I do not want to disappoint anyone but somehow it's like you get reactions like Ewwww. You fail your test? Buck up. I hate those feelings of not being able to do to the best of my abilities. 

Frankly speaking, I am NA student. So therefore always been looked down on by people because I'm below average of the people studying in SG. Yes. I admit the feeling is very bitter. Your batch mates would be taking olevels. And we will be taking Nlevels. It's just a fact. Nobody can change the fact. You can most probably sympathies if you are having the same fate. 

Ever since becoming a sec3, I felt the importance of doing really well because the competition is very intense. I strive to go for PFP, but it's very little chance of getting in. TOP 10% OF THE COHORT. And your EMB3 must <11. It's highly stressful to get as low points as possible because many people are fighting to get into PFP and if we were to go sec5, we have to compete with students that are from the Express stream. It's like we are in the losing end. So I'm just pondering if I don't get to poly PFP, I may choose to go ITE-poly route. Hmm just a fact.

We often get looked down on. Like really looked down on. It's like we can't do what express students do? We are worse than them? Like my teachers said. At least normal students have a heart and wants to eagerly learn and perform it. 

I think my personality changed too. I am getting stressed, which make me feel lonely and empty all the time. Or is it just me or am I getting depressed. I do to know what to say already. It's pretty much my fate. 

Xoxo, 

Charlene! 

Live laugh and love! 

It's all based on my personal opinions, thoughts and feelings. It's not targeted to anyone.